Ahh, the Witch. When Left 4 Dead came out, she was toted as being the scariest adversary in video gaming. I certainly agreed with that to begin with, but now I think otherwise. I have become blazé, maybe even overconfident in my treatment of L4D’s most powerful zombie. One-hit kills? I have a shotgun, lady, and I give as good as I get. Crowning the witch has become almost automatic in campaign mode. An action to be performed out of habit, without a second thought.

There’s not much to be done about this. Unless the witch gets a serious buff from Valve in a future update, she’s not ever going to cause a problem for players who have spent enough time running up and down the zombie-infested wasteland to know which end of their gun is the dangerous end, and where to stick it for maximum effect.

Versus mode is another matter entirely. Unless the survivors work together the infected team can easily wreak havoc whenever a witch shows up. Similarly, the opportunities a witch creates for the infected can be wasted if they’re not on their toes. Here’s a breakdown of some of the best  (and worst) tactics I’ve seen for the Survivors. Part 2 will deal with the Infected counter-tactics.

Tiptoe Past

This tactic works well in campaign, why not just use it in versus? Flashlights off, look the other way, creep past slowly. The key reason this won’t result in success is that nine times out of ten the Infected will see you doing this and barf/pounce/constrict you faster than you can yell ‘HUNTER!’. Getting dragged by a Smoker is especially dangerous in this situation, because with the right placement you can very easily get pulled right over the Witch. She won’t like that very much, and you’ll probably end up in hundreds of tiny little pieces as a result. Other attacks by player-controlled Infected tend to cause a lot of commotion and gunfire, which you definitely don’t want when you’re trying to be all sneaky like.

The only time sneaking past the Witch is preferable to killing her in some manner is if you’ve just dispatched all of the opposing team and you’re pretty sure you have enough time to get well by her before they respawn.

Rating: 1/5 crowns 

Just Crown the Bitch

As pointed out above, crowning the witch is more than just an achievement event. If an experienced player is on the Survivor team, it’s often possible to take the Infected by surprise by having said player running right up to her and taking her out in a single shot. Here are some pointers if this is your plan:

• The player with the most experience should make themselves known to the rest of the team. With friends this may be known beforehand, but if random public games are your thing then it is very important. This should be done well before a Witch actually shows up, otherwise you end up arguing over what to do in the middle of a chapter, wasting precious time that the infected can use to spawn and get ready to kill you.
• Everyone who is not involved in the coronation should stand well back. Just being near her will piss her off, so the fewer people there are in the vicinity, the longer the Crowner will have to perform his/her task.
• Similarly, make sure you turn your damn flashlight off. This is very basic, but you’d be surprised how many experienced players are so focused on shooting the Witch  that they forget this.
• Even though they’re standing well back, the rest of the team should still be paying attention. If the crowning goes wrong, they should be ready to dash in and finish the job, not standing around scratching their arses. As funny as it may be to see a teammate fail miserably and get torn to shreds as a result, this is not good teamwork. Trust me on this one.

Rating: 4/5 crowns, if someone is up to the task

Go Fishing

If no-one on the Survivor team has the expertise or balls out dering-do to go Crown the Witch, there is another option that has a fairly high success rate without wasting lots of time. In this scenario, one person is picked as the ‘bait’. This is usually a toss up between the person with the least health (and therefore has less to lose if the plan goes tits-up) or the person with the weakest weapon. Here’s what you do:

• Everyone lines up behind The Bait, who stands out in front, facing the Witch.
• The bait pisses the Witch off by shooting her from range.
• The Bait runs like buggery, back past the other players.
• Everyone else opens up on the Witch with whatever weapons they have
• With any luck, you manage to kill the Witch before she crashes through your defensive line, gets her claws on The Bait and turns him/her into human sushi.

Rating: 3/5 crowns, but is much more feasible if there are no expert players on the Survivor team

Cocktail Party

A slight variation on Go Fishing, the cocktail party method is far more chaotic. Instead of pissing off the Witch by shooting her, The Bait tosses a molotov cocktail at her to set her alight. Then everybody runs like crazy while the flaming Witch chases down the pyromaniac that torched her. If Lady Luck smiles on your team that day, she’ll succumb to the flames before catching up to you. Otherwise… well, you know what will happen at this point.

Rating: 2/5 crowns

Finally…

As much L4D as I’ve played, I’m pretty sure that I’ve not seen all the various tactics people employ to get by the Witch in versus mode. Please feel free to chime in with your own tactics to try (or avoid), and come back soon when I’ll have part two of this article up, on how to make the most of a Witch as the Infected.